Attention Seeking Discomfort
One of my biggest concerns is that writing and then "advertising" about my writing is an overt way of calling attention to myself. It is actually. My problem is that I don't really want it. I love to write and writing in a confessional style has always come easily. I enjoyed writing and sharing until the critics came. Then I collapsed under the onslaught and stopped writing.
Today, I read some of the comments people were posting regarding the current situation in America. A lot of the posts were ugly, irrational, reliant on frequent use of profanity as if the use of profane language cast a magical spell on those less intelligent and could convince them of the folly of their viewpoint with "word manure". (Sarcasm? Yes!)
Social media makes it easy to feel anonymous. People oblige by acting out their anger in words. I feel angry when I read some of this stuff and I want to come out roaring, attacking until I calm myself down and realize that will only make me part of the problem and no better than those engaging in a dialogue that is doomed to enrage and alienate.
Why are so many people angry? Why are so many people behaving badly, speaking badly, tearing people down verbally?
Of course, I have my own theories but that doesn't mean I'm right. After all, I often enter the emotional morass that is public opinion, thinking I know how things are. Inside, in the quiet of my own mind, I must admit that I only carry my version of how things are based on my limited perception. So, do you.
I don't know what's really going on in the world. How could any one of us? Collectively, we might be able to build something worth caring about and protecting if we can only stop fighting and arguing and being horribly unkind to each other. Each of us has to be willing to admit we don't know it all.
Uncertainty is terrifying. We build a world of certainty based on our own opinions and perspective because we are desperate for a place in which we feel safe.
When I don't feel safe, I'm fearful. Daily, the outside world pushes against my peace of mind and I feel anxious. Criticism comes easily and I can be unkind and rude. What am I really protecting? In the moment, I feel as if someone can diminish me by a difference of opinion, a judgment, a glare. In quiet moments, I realize that detractors can only take from me what I allow them to take.
It really doesn't hurt less in the moment. I'm a fallible, imperfect human struggling to get by in an increasingly stressful world. Time and technology has gotten away from me. People confuse me as much as I confuse myself. The world isn't naturally kind or loving or safe. It is one beautiful disaster.
In order to navigate this disaster with a greater peace of mind and purpose, I commit to sharing my thoughts. You won't always agree. I'll get comments I won't enjoy reading and I'll probably think about them more than they deserve because that's how human I am. It is this humanity, this shared fallibility in a complicated, messy, dangerous, amazing world, that needs attention. I hope that just once in a while, someone reads something I write and says, "I never thought about it that way. . ."
I put myself in print, not because I am comfortable but because I'm NOT and in my discomfort, I seek connection to something greater than myself. Maybe once in a while, I will connect with you and we'll see something in each other that we've never seen before. Peace.
Today, I read some of the comments people were posting regarding the current situation in America. A lot of the posts were ugly, irrational, reliant on frequent use of profanity as if the use of profane language cast a magical spell on those less intelligent and could convince them of the folly of their viewpoint with "word manure". (Sarcasm? Yes!)
Social media makes it easy to feel anonymous. People oblige by acting out their anger in words. I feel angry when I read some of this stuff and I want to come out roaring, attacking until I calm myself down and realize that will only make me part of the problem and no better than those engaging in a dialogue that is doomed to enrage and alienate.
Why are so many people angry? Why are so many people behaving badly, speaking badly, tearing people down verbally?
Of course, I have my own theories but that doesn't mean I'm right. After all, I often enter the emotional morass that is public opinion, thinking I know how things are. Inside, in the quiet of my own mind, I must admit that I only carry my version of how things are based on my limited perception. So, do you.
I don't know what's really going on in the world. How could any one of us? Collectively, we might be able to build something worth caring about and protecting if we can only stop fighting and arguing and being horribly unkind to each other. Each of us has to be willing to admit we don't know it all.
Uncertainty is terrifying. We build a world of certainty based on our own opinions and perspective because we are desperate for a place in which we feel safe.
When I don't feel safe, I'm fearful. Daily, the outside world pushes against my peace of mind and I feel anxious. Criticism comes easily and I can be unkind and rude. What am I really protecting? In the moment, I feel as if someone can diminish me by a difference of opinion, a judgment, a glare. In quiet moments, I realize that detractors can only take from me what I allow them to take.
It really doesn't hurt less in the moment. I'm a fallible, imperfect human struggling to get by in an increasingly stressful world. Time and technology has gotten away from me. People confuse me as much as I confuse myself. The world isn't naturally kind or loving or safe. It is one beautiful disaster.
In order to navigate this disaster with a greater peace of mind and purpose, I commit to sharing my thoughts. You won't always agree. I'll get comments I won't enjoy reading and I'll probably think about them more than they deserve because that's how human I am. It is this humanity, this shared fallibility in a complicated, messy, dangerous, amazing world, that needs attention. I hope that just once in a while, someone reads something I write and says, "I never thought about it that way. . ."
I put myself in print, not because I am comfortable but because I'm NOT and in my discomfort, I seek connection to something greater than myself. Maybe once in a while, I will connect with you and we'll see something in each other that we've never seen before. Peace.
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